The Girlfriend: Meeting the Monsters

Staring at the photos on the wall two months into our relationship I wondered if they’d like me.  I acted out different scenarios in my head; they’d hate me and ask why their dad was dating me, they’d tell me how much they loved his last girlfriend, they’d pound their fists on the ground yelling for me to leave, or maybe they’d even hate me so much I would wake up with a shaved head.  

Luckily, that was my imagination running wild, and when I met my boyfriend’s children they weren’t monsters at all.  

I wasn’t prepared; I’ve never laid my eyes on a parenting book, I don’t have kids of my own, my nieces and nephews live in the Midwest, and most of my friends are childless.  I was suddenly thrown into a world of pre-teen boys, something I know absolutely nothing about! 

My mind was boiling with questions: Am I the “New Girlfriend”?  What did they think about the “Old Girlfriend”? What will they ask me about myself… and how honest do I have to be when I answer?  What do they do for fun?  What will their Mom think of me?  Will they even talk to me or will they just stare at me until I cry?  Am I really ready for this?  Am I the type of girl that dates a guy with three kids?

In reality, I wasn’t prepared to date someone with three boys at home half of the week. But this guy was worth it, I finally found The One, so I was jumping in with both feet.

The first thing I noticed is how much children have changed since I was a pre-teen!  In my years there weren’t cell phones, Internet, Facebook, or Twitter.  In fact, digital cameras weren’t even invented yet.  At 12 years old I was hanging out in a tree house reading books with my stuffed animals, but kids today are in the information age.  Why read a book or a newspaper when you can Google anything you want?  Computers have changed children into miniature adults, smart ones.  There wasn’t much they didn’t know, and there wasn’t much they couldn’t find out.  I don’t live a crazy life, but I quickly removed half of the information going through my social media accounts.  I didn’t want them to think I was a party girl.  All those late night photos with my girlfriends at the bar were the first to go! 

I quickly found out that I had nothing to worry about.  The kids are perfect (yes, I’m that lucky).  They didn’t hate me, they put me through minimal questioning, didn’t bring up any past girlfriends, and I still have all my hair.  In fact, I was a lot more scared of them than they were of me. 

The most important thing I learned when I met my boyfriend’s kids?  Relax and be myself.  But who am I? I’m not a step-mom, I’m not a mom-in-training, and I’m not just a friend.  I’m their dad’s girlfriend, nothing more and nothing less.  Sometimes the simplest concepts are the hardest to learn.